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Comedy Thread

FuZZ1L0G1C

Mar 25, 2014
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was just reading a thread about animated emoticons.
Not an emoticon as such, but
Some days..

hammerhead-anigif.gif
 

(*steve*)

¡sǝpodᴉʇuɐ ǝɥʇ ɹɐǝɥd
Moderator
Jan 21, 2010
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I, for one, welcome our universe creating cephalopod overlords.
 

shrtrnd

Jan 15, 2010
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I'm thinking that the cephalopod overlords, became a part of the big bang theory?
And may no longer exist, except maybe in the Darwin Awards.
 

73's de Edd

Aug 21, 2015
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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his
ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get
the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled
pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who
had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is
going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out
of a ghost"
 

FuZZ1L0G1C

Mar 25, 2014
366
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366
To the Astronomy Club:
Der Sirs,
Tx 4 taking the thyme to reed my letir.
I am very upset with yor articel on how to make a reflecter telescop.
It doesnt work LOL.
This is the steps I walked to get the Astra foter.
Borrowed a parabolik parrybolik curved mirror from somebody who found it at the plaice where he works.
Dont have any a pipe tube thing so I hung it up with welding rods an string.
Also dunno what a eye peace is so just used my camera as the viewr coz I can always see picsures in the back thingy.
As u knw the moon was e clips 2nite & maarz closer so I tryed to take them.
Please advice.
Tx.

lunar_tic.jpg
 

Bluejets

Oct 5, 2014
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"I think I just beat the shit out
of a ghost"

Dad always used to tell us that in the outback, where water is always in short supply, soiled baby nappies are hung on the line and then they beat the shit outa them as well.

Been out there many times but never actually saw it anywhere...???????????:confused::confused::confused:
 

Bluejets

Oct 5, 2014
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Dad also was known for his saying " if you must be a smartass, always admit to being a professional, never an expert. ex = out of and spurt is a drip forced out of a tap under pressure".
 

Nanren888

Nov 8, 2015
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Dad also was known for his saying " if you must be a smartass, always admit to being a professional, never an expert. ex = out of and spurt is a drip forced out of a tap under pressure".

Sometimes you see things that make you so thankful for your upbringing :)
 

Nanren888

Nov 8, 2015
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Dave is visiting some friends near Hawkes Bay, New Zealand.
While driving around, they decide to climb up a nearby hill.
Unfortunately, his friend gets bitten by a deadly snake.
The man is lying prone, groaning in pain, sweating and shivering.
Panicked and worried, Dave immediately dials emergency services.
"Hello, Emergency Services - how may I help you"?
"My mate just got bitten by a poisonous viper - please come quickly!"
"Ok sir, what is your street address"?
Dave asks one of the friends standing nearby.
"Hello miss? ... Its on a hill near Blackridge Road".
"How do you spell that"?
"Its B-L-A-C-K-R-I-D-G-E".
"Ok thank you, sir. Where are you"?
Dave asks the friend.
The friend replies:
"Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu".
Dave says "Hello miss"?
"Yes"?
"I have a white pickup truck - meet us at Clinton!"
:)

Just in case anyone cares. New Zealand has no snakes, deadly or otherwise.
 

ChosunOne

Jun 20, 2010
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Not quite:

ex = 'has-been'

spurt = "a drip under pressure"

So, expert = formerly pert? Maybe before having to sit through a boring lecture?



exhale = "formerly healthy"

example = "formerly sufficient"

exhume = formerly of Hume, Australia, before moving abroad

exchange = formerly transmogrifying but now stable and boring

expend = hung already
 
Last edited:

Bluejets

Oct 5, 2014
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ex-1

See more synonyms on Thesaurus.com
  1. a prefix meaning “out of,” “from,” and hence “utterly,” “thoroughly,” and sometimes meaning “not” or“without” or indicating a former title, status, etc.; freely used as an English formative: exstipulate;exterritorial; ex-president (former president); ex-member; ex-wife.
 
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