Comedy Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Members Lounge' started by davenn, Jul 25, 2013.

  1. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    Today's Giggles

    DRILL PRESS: Useful for snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hand and flinging it across the room.

    WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and calluses in the time it takes you to say, "Yeou!"

    HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in holes until you die of old age.

    PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. Vise-Grip pliers are generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.

    TORCH: Used almost entirely to testing for flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you wanted the bearing race removed.

    TABLE SAW: A stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

    BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

    ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

    TROUBLE LIGHT: Sometimes called a drop light. Its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm Howitzer shells were used during the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge.

    SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids, but it excels at converting screws into non-removable screws.

    PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

    HAMMER: A kind of divining rod used to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

    BOX KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of packages delivered to your front door. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

    TOOL: Any handy object that you throw across the garage while yelling a string of obscenities, which usually is the next tool that you will need.

    cheers
    Dave
     
    davenn, Jul 25, 2013
    #1
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  2. davenn

    shrtrnd

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    DUCT TAPE: Cure-All for any of the above.
     
    shrtrnd, Jul 25, 2013
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  3. davenn

    (*steve*) ¡sǝpodᴉʇuɐ ǝɥʇ ɹɐǝɥd Moderator

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    SMT COMPONENT: A component designed with the fundamental requirement that it be too small to contain meaningful markings.

    SMT CONSTRUCTION: Any means of construction of an electronic device where a single sneeze can send all components to the darkest corner of the bench.

    DESOLDERING BRAID:
    Used to conduct heat from your soldering iron as rapidly as possible to your fingers.

    SOLDER SUCKER:
    A device which will suck almost all the solder from a joint leaving just enough to hold a part firmly in place.

    LEAD FREE SOLDER:
    A special solder designed to make all of your joints look cold.

    REWORK TOOL:
    A special device designed to desolder and blow away components neighbouring the one you're trying to work on.

    BGA: A package designed to be impossible to solder, and even harder to check.

    DFN: A package style designed to infuriate those too smart to be tricked into using BGA.

    CHINA: A way to say "Hell" in mixed company. (as in "This device must have been designed in China.")

    KOREA: Obsolete form of CHINA.

    TAIWAN:
    Obsolete form of KOREA.

    JAPAN:
    Obsolete form of TAIWAN.

    REWORK:
    Fancy way of saying "What couldn't I solder right the first time".

    STATIC WORKSTATION: The part of your bench that is so covered with half completed projects that you have to work somewhere else.
     
    (*steve*), Jul 26, 2013
    #3
  4. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    OK going to make this thread a sticky so post your comedy in here :)

    who hasn't had a pet pooch or cat chew up a cable around the house ?

    [​IMG]


    Dave
     

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    davenn, Aug 1, 2013
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  5. davenn

    Raven Luni

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    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 9, 2013
    Raven Luni, Aug 5, 2013
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  6. davenn

    shrtrnd

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    If I'd only known, before I started that last repair, .....
     
    shrtrnd, Aug 5, 2013
    #6
  7. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    hahaha classic

    Dave
     
    davenn, Aug 5, 2013
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  8. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    Todays Laugh

    a giggle for today

    [​IMG]


    kinda cute :)

    Dave
     

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    davenn, Aug 7, 2013
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    JoeM likes this.
  9. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    continuing the cat theme and considering its tax time.....

    [​IMG]


    Dave
     

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    davenn, Aug 9, 2013
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  10. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    Today's funny ....

    [​IMG]


    cheers
    Dave
     

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    davenn, Oct 1, 2013
    #10
  11. davenn

    jcurrie

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    :) ever had one ?
     

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    jcurrie, Jan 9, 2014
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  12. davenn

    jpanhalt

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    How can you to tell a chemist from a plumber?
    Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

    Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
    Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

    They may be old, but new to me.

    John
     
    jpanhalt, Mar 15, 2014
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  13. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    it took a couple of seconds for the second one to click haha

    Dave
     
    davenn, Mar 15, 2014
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  14. davenn

    mrmodify

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    image011.jpg
     
    mrmodify, Apr 15, 2014
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  15. davenn

    mrmodify

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    mrmodify, Apr 15, 2014
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  16. davenn

    mrmodify

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    mrmodify, Apr 15, 2014
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  17. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    Today's giggle .....


    [​IMG]
     

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    davenn, May 20, 2014
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  18. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    today's funny....

    In ancient Scotland, men cursed and beat the ground with sticks as a form of witchcraft, but since the 17th century it's been called "golf."



    D
     
    davenn, Jun 19, 2014
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  19. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    and just cuz ... another one ....

    Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.

    An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest
    beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

    'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

    'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday.
    It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
    Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your Robes perhaps?'

    'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

    'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

    When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

    'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

    The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

    'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

    Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!


    cheers
    Dave
     
    davenn, Jun 19, 2014
    #19
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  20. davenn

    davenn Moderator

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    I'm on a roll .....
    cant stop me now ;)

    Two factory workers are talking.
    The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
    The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
    The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
    The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
    The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
    The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
    The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
    The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."



    D
     
    davenn, Jun 19, 2014
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