# Today's Giggle :)

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Members Lounge' started by davenn, Mar 10, 2013.

1. ### davennModerator

13,838
1,952
Sep 5, 2009
a long time ago I posted this story

regardless ... its time for a repost ... it still makes me laugh

Perpetual Motion
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When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down.

Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.
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.......this mail got the following reply from one of the recipients
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I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.
Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula:
p = s * t(t)/tc
where
* 'p' is the probability of carpet impact
* 's' is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet. Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high 's' value, while the 's' value of water is zero.
* 'tc' and 't(t)' indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of 'p' being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a 'p' value of 1, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.

Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.

Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

2. ### donkey

1,297
56
Feb 26, 2011
nice.
have to add a funny thats old but a goody I copied and pasted it. THIS IS NOT MINE lol

I got this awhile ago and really enjoyed it, so enjoy!

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. Yesterday, my dear wife received the following letter from Walmart:

Dear Mrs. Samsel:

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15 - Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2 - Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five minute intervals.

3. July 7 - Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19 - Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4 - Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14 - Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15 - Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the Bedding Department.

8. August 23 - When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. September 4 - Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10 - While handling guns in the Hunting Department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3 - Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. October 6 - In the Automotive Department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18 - Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "Pick me! Pick me!

14 October 21 - When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, "Oh no! It's those voices again!"

And last, but not least,

15. October 23 - Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Tom Richards
Walmart Manager

Last edited: Mar 10, 2013
3. ### davennModerator

13,838
1,952
Sep 5, 2009
hahaha very good !!

4. ### Harald KappModeratorModerator

11,533
2,656
Nov 17, 2011
I like this one straight out of Bob Pease's mailbox:

In case you ever wondered why ignorance rises to the executive level, here is a simple explanation that is also mathematical proof:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

Physics teaches us the following formula for Power:
Power = Work/Time

If Knowledge = Power, And Time = Money (based on above postulates), then by substitution we get:
Knowledge = Work/Money

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work/Knowledge

Thus Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches zero, regardless of the work done. What this means is: The less you know, the more you make. I KNEW this could eventually be proven!

5. ### shrtrnd

3,822
519
Jan 15, 2010
Practical application of Harald Knapp's observation.
In my 43 years as a tech, I've learned if the tech is good, he stays a tech.
If the tech costs the company money, he is promoted to management to keep him/her
off the equipment.

6. ### Mongrel Shark

260
18
Jun 6, 2012
Thaks for the LOLZ. Some good ones here.

Note that this device can charge the 1000mah battery in 5-8 hours, after which time it can run your laptop or smart phone for 10 hours from your handbag or pocket. Its also safe to use for powering mains appliances on airplanes. Without causing any interference. So now I can take my beer fridge with me on long flights.

As I learned to use a multimeter at a fairly young age, I often find myself overestimating the average level of knowledge on electrical matters. After reading all the comments, I am very tempted to turn to the dark side and sell such a device. The amount of people that want to pay for this device was quite a shock to me.... Don't know whether to laugh or cry....

Perhaps I could incorporate a cat with some chicken tikka masala on it, and some white carpet to the design.

I could be a CEO within the week