Re: OT: Safe Riddles

[Rich Grise]

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Here is an assortment of random-subject riddles, having
absolutely nothing to do with the season (nor SlackWare
or even Linux) ...yet funny nevertheless.  And they are 
non-threatening (in a PC way), so you may safely share
them with your families over the holidays.

I think I like #21 best of all...

)

...............................................................

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.


2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way, Unique Up On It.


3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path


4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It.


5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!


6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroids


7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick


8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.


9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.


10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko..


11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.


12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.


13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.


14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.


15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.


16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.


17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.


18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.


19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.


20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.


21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes, Dang! Whack.


22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer



.....................

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile.

Smile??!!?!? I ROFL so loud, I'm crossposting this to some of my other
favorite groups!

 

[Rheilly Phoull]

Smile??!!?!? I ROFL so loud, I'm crossposting this to some of my other
favorite groups!

Heh heh, so,you're still bored then Rich -

 

[Bill Smythe]

I think you'd be better off trimming the list, keeping only 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
10, 13, 14, and 21.

Bill Smythe

 

[CFoley1064]

Subject: Re: OT: Safe Riddles

From: Rich Grise [email protected]
Date: 12/24/04 1:52 AM Central Standard Time
Message-id: <[email protected]>

Hi, Rich. I cracked up telling most of them to my 12 year old daughter (a
couple were omitted). She was not as amused, but a couple got giggles.

Thanks, and Happy Holidays
Chris

 

[Mike T.]

A Buddhist, a Zoroastrian, and a Wiccan walk into a bar. The bartender says,
"You guys are in the wrong joke."

/sorry
//really, really sorry

 

[Kryten]

A Buddhist, a Zoroastrian, and a Wiccan walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "You guys are in the wrong joke."

Mike T. posts to some newsgroups.
The other readers say,
"You are posting jokes in the wrong newsgroups."



"Is this the Philosophy Department?"
"Yes, but then again, No"



If a woman makes a statement in the forest,
and there is no-one to hear her,
is she still wrong?

 

[Martin DeMello]

I think you'd be better off trimming the list, keeping only 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
10, 13, 14, and 21.

Seeing as how my favourites were 7 and 17, I guess it proves that
there's no accounting for tastes

martin

When geese fly in an inverted V formation, why is one arm of the V
longer than the other?

It has more geese in it!

 

[Rhyanon]

That's kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....

 

[Phil Carmody]

That's

What is?
Did you perhaps want to leave some context _before_ your _reply_ to it?
Such as:

Anyway, you say it's ...

kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....

Vaguely reminiscent of the "Bernard Righton" (a diametric antithesis to
Bernard Manning, who is an ignorant and offensive racist, sexist, and
everything-else-ist bigot) joke:

(needs to be said with a broad Yorkshire accent for full effect)

A Jew, a Chinaman, and a Pakistani walk into a pub.
What a perfect example of a racially integrated society.


Bernard Righton is a character of the actor John Thompson, who for
example also plays the host of 'Jazz Club', and professor Denzil
Dexter, on /The Fast Show/.


Phil

 

[tadchem]

That's kinda funny, for some odd reason. I guess it's so unexpected.....

The 'unexpected' is the essence of humor. That and pain.

The two main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult.

No, wait! That's three!

The three main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult. And indignity!

No, wait again! That's four!

Among the *main* tools of humor are surprise, pain, insult, and indignity.

<No one laughs at the Spanish Inquisition>

"We laugh because it hurts." - Robert Heinlein


Tom Davidson
Richmond, VA

 

[Danny Kodicek]

The 'unexpected' is the essence of humor. That and pain.

The two main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult.

No, wait! That's three!

The three main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult. And indignity!

No, wait again! That's four!

Among the *main* tools of humor are surprise, pain, insult, and indignity.

Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) suggests that all humour combines at least two
of the following:

Cuteness
Meanness
Bizarreness
Recognizability
Naughtiness
Cleverness.

Rather a good list, I think.

Danny

 

[keith]

Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) suggests that all humour combines at least two
of the following:

Cuteness
Meanness
Bizarreness
Recognizability
Naughtiness
Cleverness.

Rather a good list, I think.

I'd say that without more than a bit of "rocognizability" the rest don't
matter. Humor is all about making the ordinary look extraordinary.
Dilbert wouldn't be at all funny if we hadn't seen the PHBs in life!

 

[Rhyanon]

I don't bother to adjust my posts for morons too stupid to know what's being
discussed, you inbred, father fucking, whoreson.

--
A link for YOU!
http://www.amishrakefight.org/gfy/
--
/´¯/)
/¯../
/..../
/´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
/'/.../..../......./¨¯\
('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
\.................'...../
''...\.......... _.·´
\..............(
\.............\..

 

[Rhyanon]

The 'unexpected' is the essence of humor. That and pain.

The two main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult.

No, wait! That's three!

The three main tools of humor are surprise, pain, and insult. And indignity!

No, wait again! That's four!

Among the *main* tools of humor are surprise, pain, insult, and indignity.

<No one laughs at the Spanish Inquisition>

Shit you not, my 12 year old daughter decided that is to be her Halloween
costume this year. Yes, they begin planning these things this early....

 

[Rhyanon]

I'd say that without more than a bit of "rocognizability" the rest don't
matter. Humor is all about making the ordinary look extraordinary.
Dilbert wouldn't be at all funny if we hadn't seen the PHBs in life!

Alice, Dogbert, and Catbert are my favorites. A razor filled, toxic,
addictive, fattening donut, indeed.......

 

[Pig Bladder]

I don't bother to adjust my posts for morons too stupid to know what's being
discussed, you inbred, father fucking, whoreson.

Then I guess it's not necessary to read the posts of ignorami who use
obscenities to express their profound stupidity and arrogance.

 

[Rich Grise]

Shit you not, my 12 year old daughter decided that is to be her Halloween
costume this year. Yes, they begin planning these things this early....

She's going to dress as "The Spanish Inquisition"????

Thanks,
Rich

 

[keith]

Alice, Dogbert, and Catbert are my favorites. A razor filled, toxic,
addictive, fattening donut, indeed.......

I met an engineer at the SFO Hilton bar (when it was still there) who met
the gang. Yep, Alice looked like Alice, and Wally... The PHB had been
transferred to remain anonymous, but according to him still worked at PB.

....Catbert reminds me too much of some senior management some years back.
*scarry* stuff.

 

[keith]

She's going to dress as "The Spanish Inquisition"????

What? ...not scarry enough fo you? Perhaps Rummy would be more your
style?

Were that the case, I'd invite her in for a drink!

 

[Clifford Heath]

I'd say that without more than a bit of "recognizability" the rest don't
matter. Humor is all about making the ordinary look extraordinary.

Au contraire. Humor, as with art and music, exists to challenge
prediction. All Scott's items challenge prediction. We value them
because prediction is our main evolutionary advantage.