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Laugh for the Day

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Members Lounge' started by davenn, Aug 18, 2012.

  1. davenn

    davenn Moderator

    13,249
    1,746
    Sep 5, 2009
    enjoy....

    Speeding in Florida

    A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the state trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

    He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and he pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

    Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

    The old gentleman paused. Then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

    "You have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.


    D
     
  2. shrtrnd

    shrtrnd

    3,665
    453
    Jan 15, 2010
    Damn. I didn't know that Trooper was going to make my story public.
     
  3. donkey

    donkey

    1,286
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    Feb 26, 2011
    An old lady is pulled over for speeding by a state trooper. When he approaches the car she is giggling like crazy.
    He asks, "do you know why I pulled you over?"
    she responds "you don't know half of it"
    he says back to her "you were speeding. what else have you done"
    she can't help but break out laughing as she tell him that she has no license, he is stunned, she then leans over and says "thats not all, this car is stolen and I am holding the owner of the car captive in the boot"
    the trooper races back to his car and radios for back up. When his sergeant arrives and see the old lady she is wide eyed and holding very tightly on to the steering wheel. the sergeant approaches the car and asks "license and registration" she hands it over. the sergeant then asks her to open the boot, she does and they find nothing in there.
    The sereant turns to the old lady and asks, "the trooper over there says he pulled you over and you had no license, this was a stolen car, and the owner was in the boot".
    without missing a beat the old lady responds, "I bet you the prick said I was speeding too"
     
  4. davenn

    davenn Moderator

    13,249
    1,746
    Sep 5, 2009
    hahaha very good !


    D
     
  5. davenn

    davenn Moderator

    13,249
    1,746
    Sep 5, 2009
    Today's joke......

    There was an old miner called Joe and when he was a boy his father told him that the secret to living a long and healthy life was to sprinkle a teaspoon of gunpowder over his porridge every morning.

    Joe done this every morning of his life and lived until he was 101.

    He left behind, 6 children, 15 grandchildren, 28 great-grandchildren and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.


    ..... The wake was a blast!!


    D
     
  6. donkey

    donkey

    1,286
    56
    Feb 26, 2011
    nice one
     
  7. cccroydon

    cccroydon

    6
    0
    Aug 30, 2012
    Great Gag!!! :)
     
  8. davenn

    davenn Moderator

    13,249
    1,746
    Sep 5, 2009
    Comedy for today.....

    [​IMG]

    well at least its slightly electronic related ;)


    Dave
     

    Attached Files:

  9. kodiakfishaboy

    kodiakfishaboy

    15
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    Apr 6, 2011
    I enjoyed this joke...

    Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
    The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

    The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

    The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

    The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..." :)
     
  10. davenn

    davenn Moderator

    13,249
    1,746
    Sep 5, 2009
    thats a good one :)

    D
     
  11. davenn

    davenn Moderator

    13,249
    1,746
    Sep 5, 2009
    laugh for the day......

    So this guy walks into a bar, carrying a large canvas valise. Only the bartender is there, who asks the guy what he'll have.

    Guy orders a beer. While the bartender draws him a cold one, he reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man about a foot tall. Then he pulls out a tiny baby grand Steinway, and then a small bench.

    The little man sits and starts to play Bach concertos.

    The bartender returns, sets down the beer and exclaims, "what the h..." and the guy holds up a hand, reaches into the bag and pulls out a little genie. The guy says, "he'll give you one wish. Anything you want".

    The bartender quickly says, "No Problem! I want a million bucks!!.".

    The bar immediately starts to fill up with ducks. Eiders, teal, mergansers. The bartender, trying to avoid the invading avians shouts, "Hold on!!. I didn't say DUCKS. I said BUCKS...!!".

    The guy says, "Well. The genie is a bit hard of hearing.".

    You don't really think that I wished for a 12 inch pianist!".



    Dave
     
  12. donkey

    donkey

    1,286
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    Feb 26, 2011
    A guy in a bar says to the bar tender "quick a shot of your best rum" the bartender serves him.
    the gent drinks it down, slams the glass down and says "quick another".
    once again he throws it down and says "quick another"
    the bartender says mate you're drinking that kinda fast"
    the gent replies "you would drink this fast too if you had what I had"
    the bartenders face dropped as the sympathy hit him. he looked over to the guy and quietly says "well mate sorry to ask but what do you have?"
    the gent sculls the third drink and replies "only 50 cents"
     
  13. davenn

    davenn Moderator

    13,249
    1,746
    Sep 5, 2009
    hahaha donkey, not too bad :)

    Today's funny ... electronics "OMG"

    [​IMG]

    say good nite to one top end video card!!


    Dave
     

    Attached Files:

  14. donkey

    donkey

    1,286
    56
    Feb 26, 2011
    I love people who listen to "friends" advice.
     
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