Comedy Thread

[Maglatron]

lol okay I'm giving up trying to be funny!

 

[Delta Prime]

lol okay I'm giving up trying to be funny!

If at first, you don’t succeed, you can always redefine success.
Sorry, buddy but I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today..
(I'm just kidding)
You started it!

 

[Ylli]

 

[Martaine2005]

A: A buck converter

Now that’s pretty funny for the yanks!.
But us Brits, A pound converter? Just doesn’t cut it

 

[Delta Prime]

Now that’s pretty funny for the yanks!.
But us Brits, A pound converter? Just doesn’t cut it

Well you Brits when you get angry; you are very good at flying off the handle into a great calm.
I keep trying to make pound cake, but it never comes out right.
It's always off by a few ounces.

 

[Delta Prime]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed."

 

[bertus]

Every life should have nine cats.

 

[Delta Prime]

Every life should have nine cats

I think every life should have both nine cats and nine dogs.
To be well rounded one needs a dog who adores you; & a
cat who ignores you!

 

[Delta Prime]

A penguin was driving his car across the Mojave desert when the oil gauge flickered, so the penguin slowly drove to a small town in the desert and pull up outside the local garage, the mechanic noticed an oil leak from under the car, so he said to the penguin “leave the car with me for an hour and I will put it on the hoist and check where the leak was coming from” the penguin wandered around the town and found an ice cream parlour and treated himself to a monster knickerbocker glory, but being a penguin he was having trouble using the spoon, so he just dived his face into the ice cream, afterwards feeling much refreshed but his face was covered in ice cream, he waddled back to the garage where the mechanic said “you've blown a seal” to which the penguin replied “ no it’s just ice cream, honestly”.

 

[Martaine2005]

A penguin was driving his car across the Mojave desert when the oil gauge flickered, so the penguin slowly drove to a small town in the desert and pull up outside the local garage, the mechanic noticed an oil leak from under the car, so he said to the penguin “leave the car with me for an hour and I will put it on the hoist and check where the leak was coming from” the penguin wandered around the town and found an ice cream parlour and treated himself to a monster knickerbocker glory, but being a penguin he was having trouble using the spoon, so he just dived his face into the ice cream, afterwards feeling much refreshed but his face was covered in ice cream, he waddled back to the garage where the mechanic said “you've blown a seal” to which the penguin replied “ no it’s just ice cream, honestly”.

And that’s when I realise the yanks do have a similar sense of humour as us Brits!

 

[Delta Prime]

There's nothing to reference...
Throw me your best Brits joke!
I'll tell you if it's funny....

 

[Maglatron]

the other day I was in the kitchen cooking with the wife when an insect flew in and exploded I said, did you see that? she goes no what was it? it was a jihadi long legs!

 

[Maglatron]

did you know that dogs can't have mri's, but cats can!!

 

[Delta Prime]

did you know that dogs can't have mri's, but cats can!!

Let me guess?
Because of the high iron content in there blood & there bones.The MRI will suck the iron right out from the skin , wouldn't be a pretty site.

 

[Maglatron]

no; cat scan! a cat scan is a type of magnetic resonance imaging

 

[Delta Prime]

 

[Ylli]

no; cat scan! a cat scan is a type of magnetic resonance imaging

NO!! A Cat scan is NOT a type of magnetic resonance imaging. A CAT SCAN - Computer Aided Tomography uses X-rays to create a 3D image of tissue density . An MRI Magnetic Resonance Imaging uses a magnetic field and radio frequencies to image tissue chemistry. Totally different imaging procedures.

 

[Delta Prime]

NO!! A Cat scan is NOT a type of magnetic resonance imaging. A CAT SCAN - Computer Aided Tomography uses X-rays to create a 3D image of tissue density . An MRI Magnetic Resonance Imaging uses a magnetic field and radio frequencies to image tissue chemistry. Totally different imaging procedures.

I happen to be an authority on the subject.
Yes yes @Maglatron was trying to explain his delivery of a joke the timing of it...
He's a brit so we will just laugh and tell him he's funny...
We both know MRIs employ powerful magnets which produce a strong magnetic field that forces
protons in the body to align with that field. When a radiofrequency current is pulsed through the human body, the protons are stimulated,and spin out of equilibrium,straining against the pull of the magnetic field.
When the radiofrequency field is turned off,the MRI sensors are able to detect
the energy released as the protons realign with the magnetic field.
The time it takes for the protons
to realign with the magnetic field,as well as the amount of energy released,
changes depending on the environment & the chemical nature of the molecules.
The magnetic field extends beyond the machine and exerts very powerful forces on objects of iron, some steels, ferrous materia,l magnetic coercivity , magnetic permeability, & other magnetizable objects; it is strong enough to fling a wheelchair across the room.

 

[Maglatron]

NO!! A Cat scan is NOT a type of magnetic resonance imaging. A CAT SCAN - Computer Aided Tomography uses X-rays to create a 3D image of tissue density . An MRI Magnetic Resonance Imaging uses a magnetic field and radio frequencies to image tissue chemistry. Totally different imaging procedures.

I stand corrected! I've had MRI's cat scans pet scans and CT scans so this is something I should have known!!

 

[Ylli]

Very reasonable description DP. I spent 5 years in CT hardware engineering and 33 years doing MRI hardware engineering (Analog/RF).